I want to share with you how I – as one girl with aspergers syndrome – experience the condition.
You might have read that aspies like to write lists. I know I do, so here comes a list of my female aspie traits. Some of the things on the list are official aspie traits, some are my experience of them and some are just things that I do that some people would call “special”..
In the bottom of this post, you’ll find a couple of tests – especially for girls/women! These can help you get closer to finding out if you, or your girl has aspergers.
I have to start with telling you that the biggest problem, or challenge(!!), for me – and supposedly other aspies – is being social. I really like one of the ways Willow “Hope” Marsden explained how she experienced this:
“I felt like everybody got their copy of “the social rules”, but I never received my copy”.
Female aspie traits*
- I seldom feel like I belong.
- Socializing is difficult, confusing and exhausting.
- I prefer doing things (even group-tasks) on my own.
- I wont lie, but if I do – I have to tell the truth as soon as possible.
- I have trouble understanding my own and other peoples emotions.
- I have trouble showing my empathy for other people, and trouble seing other peoples empathy for each-other and me.
- I don’t have much empathy for anything negative other than suffering.
- I think and talk fast. People often don’t understand.
- Other people prefer to talk to me alone, I have theories but really I don’t know why.
- I cant stand certain noises that other people can ignore (e.g. clocks, muted TV and other electronic equipment that makes that buzzing sound).
- A lot of things going on at one place at the same time can freak me out and make me leave that place (e.g. at work: several conversations, phone ringing, people walking around in the room, and some sending emails on their computer – definitely sends me outside for a cigarette or two).
- I dont trust anybody, at all.
- I dont think anybody trusts me either.
- Can not relax with people around – not even the closest ones.
- I can easily feel like I’m not good enough; not doing enough or not doing it right.
- Things changing out of my control makes me freaks out.
- Analyzing..analyzing..analyzing..concludes..analyzing.. I analyze every situation, person, conversation, word, etc.
- Sarcasm and irony is difficult for me to understand – jokes are too.
- I say and take things literally – this fucks up quite an amount of conversations for me.
- Constant inner conflict between being myself and being accepted.
- Always “Pretending to be normal”.
- Fear of being different and made fun of.
- Rules of how things have to be – where certain things have to be at home, how to do certain things (for efficiency) – I can freak out if this routine is disturbed, made fun of or if my wish of doing it this way is ignored (this has been hard on my partners in life).
- I love problem-solving! This can be misunderstood, as me ignoring somebody in pain when I’m trying to solve their problem – I have learned that people often just want you to listen, not help.
- I think in a logical way, making things like scripting, math and most importantly; my work as an it-administrator (working with computer-stuff) easy and fun tasks.
- Learning the guitar has shown to be an relatively easy thing to learn as well – the only problem being my mind slipping off into other thoughts – making me play the wrong chords. It’s ok if I focus on both singing and playing though.
- Panic attacks..
- My neck and back always hurts because I never relax.
- I have the ability to be extremely focused – but I’m easily distracted (making the environment essential for good work)
- I can talk for hours, but only about certain topics that interest me.
- I never know if people are bored with what I’m saying or not – but I often feel like they are.
- I would rather spend Saturday night at home – playing Mass Effect – than be out with people.
- The only time I’m ever out with people (except work) – is when we drink alcohol or smoke (or both), I can’t really enjoy it – and relax – another way.
- I cant stand not getting an answer to a question – it freaks me out.
- The same thing happens if I say something to someone and they don’t say or do anything. I wont know if they heard me or not!
- I don’t understand bullying, teasing, joking with feelings – and I certainly cant take it.
- I’ve had this “tough-girl” act to protect myself since I was a kid.
- “Two’s company, three’s a crowd” fits me very well – I usually turn silent when more than one person is in the room.
- I need to plan everything I’m doing, or I can’t do it.
- Can’t listen to a person talking while looking them in their eyes. (I’ve learned to pretend to do both though..)
- I get really bored when people are talking about their typical problems; work or relationship-related issues which do not affect me.
If you want to read more about girls and aspergers; I recommend you head over to Everyday Asperger’s for her list of female aspie traits.
WrongPlanet.net got a great post about resources for women and girls with aspergers syndrome. It includes a couple of tests, articles and books about aspergers and some general information about the girls with aspergers subject. You can check it out yourself, here.
The only problem is that the tests are published as .jpg and .gif, which makes it a little troubling filling them out on the computer. The quality is poor too. That is why I uploaded a couple of .odt files for you (openoffice documents).
- RAADS-R – Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised
- QGAS – Questionnaire for Girls with Aspergers Syndrome
You can fill them out on the computer or print them out if you like.
Some women doesn’t get a diagnose until they are adults (example), and some goes undiagnosed their whole life. This can make life unnecessary difficult, which nobody deserves.
Had to include this because I think it’s really funny cause it’s true:
Until next time, take care