5. Differences in boys and girls with aspergers

differentGood day,
Boys and girls with asperger’s syndrome can be different. I’ve read all over the great Internet that there are, statistically, more boys with aspergers, than there are girls with aspergers. Generally, the male-to-female ratio is suspected to be 4:1 But it does seem like there are a lot of disagreements on this particular subject.

One opinion is that more boys are diagnosed with aspergers than girls, another is that there actually are more boys with aspergers than girls with aspergers. A not that common belief is that aspergers are a “males only”-syndrome. The problem is that there isn’t much research done on the aspergers subject, especially when it comes to girls. 
Because most of the research is done on boys or men with aspergers, a lot of women and girls with aspergers goes around undiagnosed and confused by the fact that they are so different from everybody else. They may not relate to all of the aspergers traits, but still have it. Wait – I am not trying to say that you can have a diagnose without the symptoms. I’m trying to say that a girl/woman with aspergers can be very different than a man with aspergers (source), especially on the outside – how she acts. It’s often harder for other people to see that it’s something “wrong” with the aspiegirl, compared to an aspieboy. (source) I’ll try to explain how I see it:

You know girls and boys are different, and that means we might have different experiences. What we learn from our parents, peers and the community, can be very different. When I grew up, I experienced a lot of lies and deceit with girls, more than I did with boys. The girls went behind each-others backs, talked shit about friends, told hurting lies and could even tell a friends inner secrets to other people. This can be very upsetting to a person that can’t even lie about what color her underwear is.

Another thing I learned when growing up was that you had to act a certain way. I really hated that. The grownups said; “Be yourself” while the girls said “be like this, dress like this, talk like that, like them and that – dont like them or that”. You’ve probably figured out by now; I didn’t fit in with other people my age, especially other girls.

But back to the point; because I spent more time with girls than boys – at least until my teens – I think I learned that it can be appropriate to fake my behavior and lie about myself. This is seen everywhere; acting and lying because we want to be accepted and to fit in. With too much acting and “pretending to be normal”, the traits are camouflaged and you can struggle your entire life without knowing the real reason why. Other people wont be able to see it until they get real close to you, but if you don’t know it yourself the chances are that nobody else will either.

I’ve read about another reason for the differences in aspergerboys and aspergergirls; girls tend to help each-other out in a different way than boys. If a girl is having problems, her friends might choose to help her out instead of bullying her, like a lot of boys would do to each-other (talking kids-age here). I’m not saying girls are better than boys; but for a girl with aspergers, guidance and support can be essential, and chances of getting ghat is bigger with girls than boys.

There is a lot of theories on this; I choose to write about the things that most people supposedly agrees upon. You can also check out this list of differences that I found online;

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Do you have experience with boys and girls with aspergers, and their differences?

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One Response to 5. Differences in boys and girls with aspergers

  1. Jack says:

    You may want to check your spelling in a few places.

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