4. Always and never alone

Lonely_benchThis is really hard to explain.That fact makes it even more important for me to try to give an explanation for it. I think what I’m about to explain is an abnormal thing to feel. If I’m wrong, please correct me.

The fact is; I feel both that I always am, and never are, alone.

The reason for me never feeling alone might be described in two ways:

1. I got a lot of paranoia, and always feel that someone is watching me.
2. My mind is always working and always kind of talking to me.

The reason for me always feeling alone may also be described in several ways:

  1. I feel alone if nobody understands me….
  2. I always feel like nobody understands me.
  3. My mindset and my expression isn’t always the same (this makes it very difficult for anybody to understand).
  4. My way of expression things are often disturbed/clouded by social norms and expectations.

These facts makes it really hard for both me and others to understand my true intension, and therefore understand me. Even if somebody might understand me, I can’t feel like they do. Because usually I don’t understand myself. How can they understand me if I don’t understand myself?

Okay, this post kind of confused me. Anyway, I’d be glad to hear your opinion on the subject.

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This entry was posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 4. Always and never alone

  1. May I use a screen shot of this page for my thesis please?

    My thesis is looking at whether the online facilitates representations, debates and discourse for the often invisible young women with Asperger’s. Your posts are incredible inspiring, and will add such a strong voice to my work. They are only shown in a positive and empowering context.

    I am interested in this area as I have a 16 year old Aspie daughter, husband, and probably my 20 year old son too. The material I have gathered would probably be of interest to you and I am happy to send you a copy.

    I am a fan of your writings, and have learned an enormous amount from them, both personally and professionally. You are incredibly eloquent, which i express in my thesis.

    My thesis is due next week so I am hoping you will respond to me quickly.

    Yours sincerely
    Melissa Razuki
    melssa@razuki.com

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